Danielle Sutherland’s Blog

So for those of you who don’t know I recently moved back to Colorado to do an internship with Orchard Road Christian Center and Marylin Hickey Ministries. So far its been one of the best experiences of my life, while at the same time being the most challenging and painful experience. Being an intern is no walk in the park! I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve uttered the words “This is not what I signed up for!” But nonetheless God called me here so I know everything I endure is for a reason. I really just feel like every mindset I’ve had the past 19 years of my life has been completely wrong and now I’m starting out as a little kid, relearning everything God’s way. Now don’t get me wrong I had amazing Christian parents who brought me up the right way, but somewhere along the way I wandered off the path. And I came out here to be changed, I really did. I wanted to be broken, I just thought God would do it gently…not so much. I mean he is a gracious and merciful God who doesn’t want to hurt us, but at the same time, he’s not going to sugar coat anything. He breaks us because he loves us and he knows we’ll live the best life if we’re living in right standing with him. But sometimes we’re a lot bigger of a mess than we like to admit. The best way to describe it is I feel like I had a dirty room and before I came out to the internship I cleaned it up and made it all pretty for Jesus, I thought everything was perfect, then Jesus came in and lifted up the rug. And let me tell you there was some scary stuff under there! And after he lifted the rug he took a deep breathe and blew it everywhere. So now everyone could see what a mess my room was. And now all I want to do is just sit in my filthy room and cry. How could I ever clean this mess up? Its impossible! But luckily, my God’s in the business of doing the impossible. Which brings me to a song! I first listened to this song over and over because I liked the thing he did with his voice but then I listened to the words and it blew my mind:

This Providence
Anything is possible

Hey, hey I could run away.
Run away from everything I know.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way.
Because really, I gotta get away from me.

Is there any hope for a boy/girl like me?
Is there any, any hope for me?

There’s gotta be.

And yeah, well I can hear you say,
“Anything is possible.”
But my life is such a mess.
And we’ve already been through this.
And though we’ve been here before.
Anything is possible.
So many years all alone in the dark.
Well it’s time to get out.
It’s time to get out.

Hey, hey I danced away.
Countless nights with demons out of sight.
And I took to their foolish games.
But really, I gotta get myself out of this scene.

Is there any hope for a boy/girl like me?
Is there any hope for me?

There’s gotta be.

I’m so ready to be free.
And yeah, well I can hear you say,
“Anything is possible.”
But my life is such a mess.
And we’ve already been through this.
And though we’ve been here before.
Anything is possible.
So many years all alone in the dark.
Well it’s time to get out.
It’s time to get out.

I’m hoping on an overwhelming grace.
I’m praying for this dream to come true.

And yeah, well I can hear you say,
“Anything is possible.”
Even cleaning up a mess like me.
Well it’s time to get out.
It’s time to get out.

And yeah, well I can hear you say,
“Anything is possible.”
But my life is such a mess.
And we’ve already been through this.
And though we’ve been here before.
Anything is possible.

And yes, I’m a mess.
I’m lonely and dirty.
But it’s time to get out.
It’s time to get out.

Yeah, that pretty much nailed it! But if that didn’t give you enough of a peak into my heart and soul, here’s a second song:

She feels lost in her life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she’s where she’s supposed to be
Tired of trying to do it right
Her dreams are just too far away to see how steps she’s making
Might be taking her to who she’ll be

And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I’m supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here

She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she’s afraid of being free
There’s a way she knows is right
She can’t feel the things she knows
And so each step she’s taking is a step of faith toward who she’ll be

And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can’t see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she’s always been